John, The Seeker Version

The Covenant Theology Blog has a great parody of The Seeker-Friendly version of John the Baptist. I could not resist posting it here:

John: Hi King Herod. How are you doing?

Herod: Hello Baptist. What is this nonsense you preach about “repent”?

John: Oh Herod. Don’t you know that God loves you just the way you are? Will you say a prayer with me?

Herod: For what?

John: So that you can experience the love of God? I see that you are struggling in your walk with the Lord. Why you have your brother’s wife. We need to pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal to you why you do that. There must be some deep emotional wounds somewhere.

Herod: I love her because she is hot.

John: Let’s dig deep into your emotions. We need to heal your inner scars. How was your childhood?

Herod: My daddy was mean and abusive. He even killed my brothers.

John: I understand. You need to let it all out so that you can reach spiritual maturity. Go ahead and make yourself vulnerable. Then you can find some inner power to forgive him.

Herod: I can’t. He was too mean. He was crazy.

John: He sounded very insecure. God understands. He knows the heart. Just remember, God has a wonderful plan for your life, if you will just let Him take control. He will give you a better life. You just need to find out who you are in Jesus.

Herod: What do I have to do?

John: Simple. Just repeat this prayer after me.

(Insert Sinner’s Prayer of choice)

John: That’s it. You are saved. You are going to Heaven. Isn’t that great?

Herod: I guess.

John: Don’t worry. I’ll be back tomorrow for another session. We are going to deal with your emotional health so that you can be all the God wants you to be.

Here is the real version that is definitely not 'seeker friendly':

Matthew 3
1In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea, 2"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." 3For this is he who was spoken of by the prophet Isaiah when he said, "The voice of one crying in the wilderness:'Prepare the way of the Lord; make his paths straight."

4Now John wore a garment of camel's hair and a leather belt around his waist, and his food was locusts and wild honey. 5Then Jerusalem and all Judea and all the region about the Jordan were going out to him, 6and they were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins.

7But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, he said to them, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? 8Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. 9And do not presume to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father,' for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. 10Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

Matthew 14
3For Herod had seized John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife,4because John had been saying to him, "It is not lawful for you to have her."

Image: Sellaio's St John the Baptist. Painted about 1485. Museum of Fine Arts, Budapest.